So that's how i spent my day off from school.Today was suppose to be a happy day,other than the sore throat,everything else was fine.I got my pay today, and had made so much plans on how i'm going to spend the money.I wanted to treat mom to Nasi Ayam Penyet in the afternoon.But once he got home,everything had fallen apart.

It's my 2nd brother,the one i'm referring to.He's clever and independent,but he have some serious issues with his atttitude and anger management.Twitter,became my channel for venting my frustration.It all started when he return back home to take a short break from his NS and then return back.As usual,he whines and complains that people are bullying him,treating him like a dog,ordering him around when he's a diploma holder and he should have gotten more respect than all these shits.Every single time he comes back from work,he would whine,normally about the same thing.Mom says he just needed some attention and someone to speak to so every day,she would sit by the sofa and hear all the whining just because she loved him.Normally when i'm sitting at the hall,and he starts his tales again,i would angkat kaki and jalan.Rude but i'm sick of it.

Here's the thing.He's always getting into trouble ever since he was young.Even in secondary school,when he got into fights,he would say the other party are in the wrong.He's always the one being victimized.Amd at home,he's always rude to my mom especially.He would raise his voice or speak to my mom like as if he's speaking to one of his members.Mom didn't mind it because that's just how her son's character is but i can't tolerate it.Therefore nowadays whenever he would complain about the same sort of problems,i cant help but to ignore it.

"The problem lies with you all along bro.If only you would take some time to realise it.No one dares to point it out to you,seeing how big your temper could get.But how i wished i could throw a rock to knocck him some sense."

I was busy,sitting down by the sofa and watching my K-drama while chewing sotong in my mouth when he suddenly arrives home.As usual.Bad mood,checked.Whiny tone of voice,checked.But i guess all those temper had been bottled up for so long,it erupted today.He was shouting and scolding that he don't deserve this at all and he wants to end it all.Suddenly while sitting at the piano seat,untying his shoelace,he began shouting really loud and kicked the chair till it broke.I got so shocked because that chair was just beside me.I started to tell him why is he doing this?He asked me to shut up and we got into an argument.I wanted him to calm down so i had to raise my voice but then,things got ugly and i just couldnt take it,i decided to call the police.That's when he snatched the phone,pushed me aside and smash the phone with his head.He was like a maniac.Seperti dirasuk.I began tearing and shouted at him at the top of my voice "Is it worth it?!Destroying the things at home,scolding the innocent people at home and venting your frustration on us when the problem actually lies with the people at your workplace.Why hurt us when you are mad at someone else?!" Kau bodoh,sial larr!Pakai otak!

I was just unlucky because i was alone at home with mom.And because of his violence past,i was really scared that he would hurt mom or destroy more expensive things at home.Therefore i decided to call the police,someone with more authority to take him in hand.I really didnt mean to be rude to him because he's my brother.And i'm the type that doesnt use badwords for no reason.It just simply came out of my mouth.

While thinking back,i was unsure what made me stand up and decide to call the police.Was i foolish or it was just an act of self defence against my own brother?I felt helpless as a girl.It's difficult to live this kind of life.Life is hell if you live with boys,especially sharing a room with them.Life is just messy for you.I don't know if anyone really understands how i feel.I doubt it.None of my friends are like me.

"Today felt like one of my ruined birthdays.
After planning everything,it just goes down the drain and
nobody really have time to care about it."

♥our lips must always be sealed
2:24 PM

Last saturday, i went to Innova JC along with Ain to help Maisarah with the kindergarden school event.I was kinda shocked to see  the little kids,because i was never good with handling little *cough*devils*cough* children.I had a bad experience before so...yeah.^^Anw,as you can see from the photo above,my skin looks really pale and pretty red.It was a really sunny day,our make-ups kinda melted.So this is the sorta after product that you get after sun exposure.hehe!

On that very day,i had to leave the event to go to work.I was late.Really really late.I had to take the cab twice(one was with Ain) and sped up to Vivo.There was a jam before that but i'm glad i got a pretty cunning taxi driver uncle to thank for.The taxi followed behind an ambulance and that's how i got out of the traffic jam!My station on that day turned to be the dreaded Box Office.That's where people buy tickets from and the first customer touchpoint.

My first trainer,Jiawen reminded me soo much of this Korean singer IU.She looks like her too!With the short hair and cute face.But she's a little lacking in terms of height.She taught me briefly on the opening and closing of your own station.Showed me how to do transactions,the various cards to remember,internet booking,greeting etc.It was just too much info to take in 1 day.When it was my turn to handle the station,i was basically shaking.My voice was shaking,i was panicking at every wrong moves that i made..i was just overcome by fears.Jiawen also did things too quickly,it was quite hard for me to catch up.:(The customers can be so troublesome too..Had soo many enquiries and feedbacks.Blerr.I was in the midst of giving up at that point of time.It was just too much to handle.

I was worried about it until the next day,when i had to do Box again.But this time,it was in the morning and and i got new trainer,SeeKia.She was better actually,because she taught me slowly and tell me frankly what i'm really lacking,voice and confidence.She told me many stuffs in relation to customers and how whiny they can be...her experience.I just hope this week,i'm going to be better at it.I hate the sound of my voice when it's loud but that's just how i gotta roll it.

"When i'm in a moment of despair,the only thought that i can remember is the thought of giving up and picturing my mom's face.It pains me to know that this is the limit to my boldness and that my patience has grown weary.As for my mom,i know she won't blame me for giving up halfway but she will begin to realise that her daughter is not much of a risk-taker."

Labels: Limitations

♥our lips must always be sealed
12:00 AM

So yada yada yada.. classes and presentation and discussions and all.Just the boring nonsense u get in school.One thing that's different is today is that,i'm wearing my contacts instead of my spectacle to school.The reason i wore it is because it's been a while since i put it on(i only wear it for outings or work) and many of my friends told me to wear contacts.Maybe because my face sucks with spectacles on.hehe.I agree.But thanks for all the nice compliments people.:)Made my day.

For the past few days of school,the class has been doing SWOT analysis and creating a brand new product,so as to get ourselves familiarise with the objectives of this year's module.Working with different people in different groups, for both Ent & Marketing,some of the creations are really wacky but realistic.The EZ-TICS, a kind of card used for teenagers above 15 yrs to watch movies.It also stops them from watching rated shows because of the NRIC tracking system.hehe!That's for Entrepreneurship.For marketing,currently the group,Minutes & Hands have decided to come up with a multi purpose watch called the "Quick Select" that enables you to listen to music from it,wirelessly.Needless to say,you'll be using a bluetooth-kinda-headphones or earpiece.It's just wacky.But i loike.;D

I decided not to go for the Volunteering at the BluePrint Fashion Show briefing with Rad & Dorothy because it clashes with lesson time,especially since it's marketing.Talking about presentations, i still get the jitters whenever it's my turn to talk.I don't know why.I guess i'm just..shy?LOL.That's one thing.Another reason is that,i don't have experience on public speaking and seriously,i would prefer to be the one giving the ideas instead of the one presenting.Like the crews behind the camera.When IT'S MY TURN TO TALK,A PART OF MY BRAIN GET'S SWITCHED OFF BECAUSE OF THE STARING EYES.I need a fix,real quick!Anyone can give me a quick advice?Because i can't seem to stop my legs from going wobbly and then tremble and stumble upon the words that i've once arranged nicely.:( I need to get the confidence and learn to talk slowly.:( That's why all these while, i feel that i'm not worthy to be a leader yet because there are things that i myself have to learn and overcome before i can lead a team.

Oh yar,i had my Australia Trip interview today.Together with Maisarah Ayuni.I'm keeping my fingers crossed on the possibility of getting chosen for the trip.Deep in my heart,i really really want to go so badly!But also,the feeling of excitement is wrapped up with a bundle of fears that seems to be the biggest obstacle for me.Like i said,i'm not a confident person.Plus,i've never been out of country without my family.So that's a huge risk.But i want to take it because i want to grow as a person.Be independent.Cheyy!hehe!XDAnw,Goodluck to all ISB applicants!:)

And i finished watch Shinee's hello baby today!Cried but i can't wait to watch the special episode.:)Pardon me for side-tracking!I just had to write that.Baby Yoogeun is the cutest boy!(that's him in the photo btw.)

Neomu kyopta.:)

Labels: This is the kind of reality.

♥our lips must always be sealed
2:30 AM

Labels: Wake

♥our lips must always be sealed
2:19 AM

 

On Wednesday,because of the cocked up SW lesson, me & Ain decided to treat ourselves to Macdonald's Cinnamon Melts.I've never tried it before and stupidly,i even thought it was only available in the morning.See how far i'm lagging now?-_-''It was soooo sweeeet!Really really sweet!I had a slight stomachache after eating it.Maybe it's not because of the melts.I haven't really had a proper meal all day so it was sorta empty.And then i filled it with junk food.Tsk3! Anw,Mai and others were there too because she wanted to pierce her ears at 77th Street.I want to get my ear pierced too but not now cox no $$.I want to reopen the hole at my left ear's soft bone.I think i have to get it back.There's a meaning to it.

And yes,i do grow tired of talking.I don't have 101 conversation topics in my brain.

♥our lips must always be sealed
1:03 AM

Woke up at 10.30 today because i played Sims2 till 5am!My lil brother was shocked to see me still glued at the computer when he woke up to get ready for school.I swear that game is making me into a game addict once again!Anw,arrived in school 5 mins before 12 but the none of the teachers were there yet.For 1 hour straight,i sat in class blasting loud kpop songs into my ears and playing the game Mr Knowledge to kill time.I'm sick of the class noise. - If you know what i mean.;)There's only 3 modules for this term, but the projects are the part that i dread!I hope i get to be in the group with people that i want to work with all these while.Oh btw!THE TIMETABLE IS SUPER SUCKISH!Classes mostly  starts in the afternoon and ends late in the evening!WTF?!That means i'll be working at night for the weekdays.BLERR...

The weather today has been super duper hot,i feel like i was being toasted!(Or like what i read,banyak dosa!Aku pon sama!XD)It's 33 degrees for goodness sake!And stuck in this dull and stuffy classroom makes it all worst.I was sweating and felt all sticky even when i'm sitting under the fan.The school seriously needs to get a make-over.Since ISB is a good class,shouldn't we deserve the best environment to study in?Stuck in C3-02 and hear the makcik SVE babbling things like an old grandma,uh-uh,not cool.wtf wtf wtf...:(

But at least the day ended with a good note!No classes tomorrow!Oh Yeaaah!!Off to the CC with Omma!Apparently she's got an interest in the kebaya-robics class but she's a little shy..haha!So cute!My mom,shy?She's directly opposite me!Loud and obnoxious!Wait till she gets herself comfortable with the environment and makes alot of friends, you can hear her voice from far away for sure!Anw,i don't always say this but, I love you mom.Sorry for not being the person that you've always wanted me to be.But i've learnt the meaning of being strong from you.You are a joy to everyone and always make me laugh with your jokes(even when they are seriously disgusting).Aww....i'm suddenly getting emotional.haha!She's my bestfriend.:)

I'm a simple person.Too simple till people finds it hard to understand the real me.

Labels: dull 1st day for 2nd year

♥our lips must always be sealed
1:24 AM

Sometimes when people asked me about my well-being,it's like asking me if i'm happy with my life.There's always a fixed answer to that question,but it was never always the truth.I was never truly a happy person to start off with.I let people step on my head,stayed quiet when people make comments and continued putting a smile to tell people that i'm awfully, perfectly alright with it all.I'm unshakable and strong.There's perfectly nothing to worry about.I won't get hurt.

Sometimes i feel like becoming evil,rebelious and loud.Not caring a single dime about other people's feelings.Just shoot off my mouth anytime i want.Let out any secrets that others once trusted me with and not caring if people hate me.But i think i will be happier that way,right?Because i'm letting it all out.But what to do,i've grown immune to people's criticism.

I know i'm a person that lacked ALOT alot of things.I know that some people feels ashamed to hang out with me.Who am i,right?I have neither the right cliques & connections nor any sense of respect for myself.This is how i have been leading my life.Stuck in a nutshell,cowering at every single fear.There's no avenue for me to let out all my feelings & frustrations to.No one that i could really trust.

Most of the time i would tell myself,

since people don't really like sticking with me,

then next time, i will distant myself from such people.

Which also means,i'm building my own walls around me 

to protect myself from getting hurt.

I'm a weak asshole.

Labels: So i sucked at telling the truth.

♥our lips must always be sealed
9:23 PM

Another tired day.Today I was 10 mins late for work. My friend had to cover up for my duties.I was held back by the train because I boarded a little later than usual.I woke up at 9 today to go to the polyclinic to see a doctor.Arrived there by 10.30 but I had to spend 2 hrs just to get my medicine.As expected, it was crowded.So after that, i ran to the Banquet restaurant to buy my meals and and ran to the train.But I missed the earlier one so I had to wait.Anw, today was not so tiring like other days.But it was chaotic! Tonight happens to be the GALA premiere of the new Taiwanese movie, Monka.The actors, Ethan & Mark personally flew here from Taiwan to comemerate the event.Gahh..once they arrived on the red carpet in the cinema, the crowd goes wild!I had to squeeze thru to get a glimpse of them but I missed.:( 

♥our lips must always be sealed
9:17 PM

This is the 3rd time i'm making a blog.I really REALLY hope i don't forget the password like my previous two.:( Anw,a brand new blog calls for a brand new beginning.Please,do tag my board if you visited.

A few things you need to know,this april marks the 2nd year of my Biss Admins course!Which also means,i'm a step closer to leaving that school.hehe!I wanted to go to my dream school,NYP, to study.Then i changed ,my mind after  learning about RP from my brother.Now,my aim is TP.Firstly,my tourism course will be there and secondly,it's a pretty cool & happpening school to be in.^^I seriously do not want to be a fashion gundu once i enter that school.My friends may not know this but i've been observing their clothing and sense of fashion.They are the "experts",so it's only right that i start to learn from them.^^

♥our lips must always be sealed
4:04 PM